This is insane. I woke up this morning and was like everything seems so much better in the morning... but you're all depressed again. I've noticed that as much as I encourage and tell you not to focus on all the negative things, your mood just drags me down, a lot further than I ever expected. I can't not be affected by your feelings because I care about you so much and I have to say that I definitely prefer you venting than keeping everything bottled up inside, although I prefer not to talk to any one, because I personally don't want to drag any one else down, but I prefer you dragging me down if it helps you. In all seriousness though, when I talk to you these days, when I listen to how negative you are, it's like waves of sadness just continually sweep through me. I can't just not be there for you... I have to help you somehow. I understand though, I really do. I understand the feeling of wanting that one person who will always love you no matter what, who will always be there for you and not judge you, who will always be there to listen to you, to try and make you feel better, someone who will be by your side for life.

But wishes generally don't come true...

I wish ...

• people weren't so bitchy. 
• I was beautiful.
• we had chances to actually hang out more than once a week.
• you cared about me more.
• that things work out for you.
• I could get a job.
• I knew exactly who really cares and who doesn't. Some I can easily pick, others I can't...
• you lived closer.
• that for once you would stop being so over dramatic and selfish.
• that I could stay friends with you forever
• I was smart enough.
• I was better at photography and design. If I'm not good enough, I won't get anywhere in the design industry.
• that school wasn't over just yet, kinda...
• camping was sooner.
• that you'd stop bringing up stuff that's happened between me and my friends. It's none of your business. Sorry, but it really isn't. At all. Also, don't bring up stuff and then ignore me completely after I get mad. I've told you countless times not to bring up certain topics.
• we had the chance to be friends again. I think if we had just a little more time, we might have been again. 
• I was some one that people could look up to.
• that I was a better person.
• I knew how to organise doing missionary work and I wish I could do it sooner.
• I was a better friend.
• things were slightly different.
• I was motivated.

My favourite pillow ;P

I just thought that I would write a blog about one of my best fwends, because she is so amazing. :D :D :D :D :D Why she's called my favourite pillow, uhh, long story... Don't ask.

I think our dnm has been going for at least an hour now, lol. I've become even closer to her over the past few weeks and I don't know what I would do without her. She understands everything about me and we can talk about pretty much anything. I love knowing with a certainty that she will always be there for me, and she always has been. There are only maybe 6ish people I can completely be myself around, my family not included. My uhh 'favourite pillow' is one of them. XD 

I promise that I will always be here for you, uhm, favourite pillow. :) Also, I will bash any one if they ever hurt you. I love you so much. <3

P.S. We win at life together. End of story.