Today's been decent so far... Yes, there were a couple of fights like usual, but I didn't make a big deal out of something stupid or get fired up easily at all... But now I just feel like a rag doll being tossed about in an ocean while there is a storm raging. I feel little, lost and alone once more. I feel like I'm just going to fall apart again, any second. I want to be surrounded by my friends again. It made me feel happier.

I still don't feel like I'll ever be close to a guy again... I don't understand you either. You seem to get mad or upset with me just because I say that I might not talk to you till the next time I actually see you, like at valedictory tomorrow evening. Is it such a big deal that I might not want to bother going on facebook for a few days? It's not like you don't have other friends that you can talk to when you're not talking to me. You don't NEED to talk to me constantly or anything. What they said has kinda been playing on my mind... I don't know if you made some stuff up and if you did, making me think that I made you hurt yourself, that's... that's just too much. Gah, I don't understand people. :S

I wished I was Anywhere But Here

I thought I was treading water, but I realised that I was wrong. I was steadily sinking, the words and emotions pulling me under. Frantically, I tried to swim back to the surface. I tried to break through; to get a breath of air. My anger began to increase, but at the same time my energy began to drain away and I discovered that I didn't want to fight anymore... I stopped struggling and let myself be dragged further down, towards the dark and gloomy ocean bed. Every so often though, I lashed out at whatever was nearby. However, the only result was my energy draining even faster than before. After some time had passed, time that felt like an eternity, my body landed on the ocean bed with barely a sound. I didn't move; just watched as everything appeared to pass me by.

I wish I had superpowers...

Actually, no... I'd rather just be magic. :)

• First, I would fix certain friendships
• Open his eyes to what he's blind to
• Fast forward to the end of Year 12
• Improve my design skills
• Make sure that she will be happy
• Get both of them to talk to me again
• Maybe make him care about me again
• Build my self confidence
• Stop all the fights and arguments
• Make a difference in someone's life
• Have enough money to help people in need
• Make myself better again... I can't even go to school when I want to :(

Wow, farmer wants a wife... >.< What a stupid show... Trying to set up a 'happily ever after'. I don't understand shows like that. It seems so stupid and pointless... Might just be because I'm sick and sort of merr aofsdifdh but it just makes me kinda annoyed. :S

I hope I can be back at school tomorrow. I really wanted to go this morning, but I sounded like an old man or something... :/ That can't be normal. Not entirely sure if feeling like everything is tilting or like I'm about to fall over randomly is normal either... :S I don't know... I just want to be better again, so I can see people and not fall behind with school work.

Oh, and Lollipop, what I forgot to mention in my last blog is that you've helped make me the person I am today. Thank you. :)

Uhm okay... I don't think I will ever understand you. Any one want to volunteer to protect me? /Sigh. If only I could shield myself from feelings sometimes... like right now. Ugh.