Today's been decent so far... Yes, there were a couple of fights like usual, but I didn't make a big deal out of something stupid or get fired up easily at all... But now I just feel like a rag doll being tossed about in an ocean while there is a storm raging. I feel little, lost and alone once more. I feel like I'm just going to fall apart again, any second. I want to be surrounded by my friends again. It made me feel happier.

I still don't feel like I'll ever be close to a guy again... I don't understand you either. You seem to get mad or upset with me just because I say that I might not talk to you till the next time I actually see you, like at valedictory tomorrow evening. Is it such a big deal that I might not want to bother going on facebook for a few days? It's not like you don't have other friends that you can talk to when you're not talking to me. You don't NEED to talk to me constantly or anything. What they said has kinda been playing on my mind... I don't know if you made some stuff up and if you did, making me think that I made you hurt yourself, that's... that's just too much. Gah, I don't understand people. :S

Fear.

Right now, I'm sitting alone in a cold empty house, and for some reason I'm completely terrified. I've stayed home at night by myself before and mostly been okay... but I just want to be surrounded by people... I want to hear laughter and loud voices... I'm absolutely scared and I don't like this at all... Maybe it's because I read a couple of murder stories and dad isn't home at the moment. I don't know. I should have gone with him. I'm not gonna get homework done anyway, when I'm so freaked out. Damn it, I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe it's a combination of all the stress due to school work, the lack of sleep, the murder stories, not being able to do much stuff outside of school and how upset I normally I get every night. Although it's normally later at night when I begin to feel sad... I even feel like randomly bursting into tears. Argh, I want my friends.

On a different topic, although I'm still kinda scared :S There are some things I want to say to a few people.

• You absolutely terrify me sometimes and I just want to run away and hide from you.
• Although most of the time we just argue, I honestly love being friends with you. You're a much better person than several people give you credit for.
• This one's directed at two people in particular. I hope you two will always be a part of my life as you are both so amazing.
• You probably won't realise that this one is directed at you, but you don't seem to have much belief in yourself and believe me when I say that you are an amazing person and you shouldn't doubt yourself or your standing with others.

I have to say that writing that calmed me down a little, but I just wish I had at least one friend here with me right now. I'm so freaking stupid. I hate myself at times like this. Shadows and empty houses haven't scared me in a long time. :S I think I misplaced my courage and gained some new fears instead. Oh gosh, I feel like the biggest idiot writing this. I don't know what's wrong with me...