I can be such a bitch...
You know what makes me dislike myself even more? When I explain to some people why I'm so horrible and undeserving of the family and friends I have, they just say that I'm not. They say that I'm like the nicest person they know and that I probably only get mad easily because of the stress of Year 12... but I know it's not just cause of that. They've never seen me when I've gotten mad and screamed myself hoarse. I need to learn how to control my temper. I always lash out at my family for stupid reasons. Sometimes I don't even know where all the anger comes from, but it's like I can't think of anything else once I feel that way. I just, I don't even know how to explain the feeling. I have to learn how to control my temper and stop acting like/being a stupid dumb bitch.

I don't deserve you, any of you

I don't even know how to describe how I feel right now. I don't want self pity or people telling me that I'm not everything I say I am. I can't even begin to explain how deep my hatred is for myself right at this very moment and how much I don't want to stop digging my nails into the palm of my hand. Just because I feel terrible and hate everything right now, I have no right to be such a bitch to the people who care about me and weren't even trying to irritate me on purpose, at first anyway... :S I feel like... I don't know... Ripping something, maybe myself to shreds... I feel like I deserve to be punished. I was actually just considering not even eating again for a long while after finishing the forty hour famine tomorrow night. I don't deserve any of what I have. Sometimes I don't understand why anyone loves me at all.