-Some form of creative title-

Just a note; when I say you it doesn't always refer to the same person, but changes.

I hate that I didn't even get to say hi to you at formal, because your girlfriend was with you practically every single second. You didn't even come up and hug me like you did at valedictory... I mean she'd probably eat your soul if you did. >.< You didn't even talk to some of your closest friends who were girls. Argh, I dislike your girlfriend greatly, just because I didn't even get a hug or a hi or anything. You ignored me all for her sake. Now you're not even replying to my text, and if you haven't run out of credit it's probably because she'd get mad at you for talking to other girls. :@ I don't think you have any idea how much I miss you...

The guy I really miss, when I saw him at formal and almost started crying, you started trying to reassure me and as much as I love you, I don't think I can understand what was going through your mind when you said at one point "He's ugly, it's okay." That definitely did not make me feel any better. There's no way I could have misheard you either right? What even?! iaurkfhsdkf sdfous >.<

Every time you don't reply to one of my messages or texts for hours, I worry that it's because you've gotten sick of me, that I said something stupid or that you really have begun to find me annoying, and that when you said you could never find me annoying because I'm too awesome, you didn't really mean it. I'm also really worried and I kinda have a bad feeling about this... Having late night texting conversations and making plans together and with others... It's too similar, way too similar to when him and I liked each other and were best friends. I don't like this. I just want everything to go away.

It feels like my brain's going to melt when I start processing all of this, and last night when I was talking to her about everything, I think I realised that he may have been a rebound crush... That all that happened because he liked me and he was there for me; he was someone to fill the empty space, because once he was gone too, I missed him even more than I ever did before... Realising all that kinda freaked me out.

I'm still scared. I'm terrified of putting my trust in you, because it's too similar. I just have this bad feeling that things aren't going to end well. It's way too easy to talk to you though, and I don't like it. sdthudfgdflgjdfogl my brain feels like mush.

I'm going to go try and figure out my feelings, even though I know I'll fail miserably. It just feels like there are a million different emotions swirling around inside of me and it's making me feel sick.

You're amazing.

Thank you for deciding to cheer me up every night and making sure that I don't end up being upset every time. That means so much. I'm still surprised that you're actually going to do this every night. You even set an alarm on your phone so that you don't forget, and it's already helped a lot, even just the last two nights. It's lovely receiving an encouraging message regularly and knowing that there is someone thinking of me each night and showing how much they care. I love you so much.

I wish I was stronger.

I wish I was strong enough to control my temper, but once something angers me, I find it so hard to stop yelling, screaming and in general, being a bitch. I don't just wish I was stronger, but I need to be stronger. If I don't become stronger and learn to let go of my anger, I know with a certainty that I am just going to screw everything up so much more.

On a completely different note, I'm considering deleting my blog. I'm just not so sure that it's a good idea for me to write certain things on here and well, I haven't written all my feelings out at times when I felt like it because I'm not too keen on sounding like I constantly complain, and when I get upset, which is most nights, I tend to over think things and probably stretch some out of proportion. :S