I feel like at least something out of what I said today may have gotten through to you for a change. I just hope I'm right... Because things need to get better. It's been like this for too long.

It's funny; I was just rereading some of my old posts from another blog and found several about you and how I was so happy that we had become close again and were spending so much time together. And now all I can think is that I don't ever want to spend time with you like that ever again.

The only time when everything seems really really okay is when I can immerse myself in photography/illustrating and listen to music.

I'm never good at deciding which friendships/relationships are worth spending time on, and clearly I don't always choose well. Ugh. Regardless of that, some things are really screwed up when I really (let myself) think about them. :/

You're just as bad as everyone else. You have no right to say anything about anyone when you're like this.

I'm not good at dealing with even the idea of relationships or patching up friendships or staying friends with people I don't particularly like anymore. And I definitely can't deal with you, of all people. I can't stand trying to put up with you day after day. So much for things being better between us.

Things are definitely going downhill if I want you back this badly...