If you start becoming more like him, I don't know what I'll do... But you promised, so you have to keep your word right?

Turns out you know me better than I thought you did... but at the same time you don't know me as well as I thought... :/

Also, I really hope that you meant what you said... But he's probably right and I shouldn't get my hopes up. That way it won't hurt as much when/if they get crushed. :S :(

Unexpected.

Okay, so I was kinda surprised running into you at the hub today... and also really unsure as to how to react. You acted as if you hadn't ignored me at all, and it was kinda weird that you told me to text you and asked how new zealand was... Three people have already told me not to bother with you because you don't deserve my friendship, and I hate to admit it but given the chance... I think I'd still want to be friends with you again. :/ Which yes, I know is stupid... but we were good friends... and it seems like you don't even realise that you upset me and made me worry about what I might have done wrong... :S Although I guess the first thing I should ask is why you ignored me, then not try to be friends with you again...

On a different note, I haven't really been feeling well at all for the past week or so, and I feel really bad for already bailing on several of my friends... My head's already started hurting again and it just makes me want to curl up on the ground and try to shut everything out... On top of that, I've been alone too much the past few days and I'm already sick of it. It was great at first, but I couldn't even concentrate on reading because it hurt my head too much just thinking about it and so I've had way too much time to think. I know it's stupid and although my life is fairly okay at the moment, I couldn't help but start thinking about everything that's happened in the past year and a half, yet again... All of it, what happened with adam, jayden, jeremy, zowtyj, travis, nathan, sophie... and it wasn't even any of that that made me feel so sad I don't think... I just felt kind of empty and like I was going to start crying uncontrollably any second, but I didn't know why... I was just absolutely terrified that people didn't care about me... that I had no one to talk to... I can only remember feeling that way, to an insane extent, two other times in my life... I mean, it's weird, I know there are several people I can talk to... But what was I even supposed to say? Please reassure me that you care about me? I don't even know what's wrong..? suiofusdhfiusdfosd I'm so stupid sometimes...

...I feel like crying again...

I feel like I should add something happy in here, seeing as all I ever seem to blog about most of the time these days is sad/depressing stuff... :S Today ended up being really good. I was able to hang out with two of my favourite people, who made me laugh almost constantly, and when I didn't feel well, they made sure they looked after me and that I'd be alright. :) Only a few of my favourite people were missing, but I get to see most of them tomorrow night, so at least I have something really exciting to look forward to. :)

I have the most amazing friends. <3

The situation's too similar. Way too similar. Whether that's true or not... It's still all too alike. I don't want the same thing to happen all over again. It's actually freaking me out now... :S

I was terrified that I was losing you... I know I saw you when we went out and hung out at people's places, but we didn't really see each other, or talk. It just felt like forever since we had talked properly and I couldn't, and still can't afford to lose you. I have to say that I'm really relieved that we were able to talk properly today, just us, even if it was only for about twenty minutes. It still meant a lot and now you know that I was terrified of losing you, and it turns out you felt the same about me.

I'm so glad that you're all okay now and that we're good friends again. It tore me apart seeing how badly she treated you and how it affected you so much and the relationships you had with the people around you... I don't even know how to express how thankful I am that you found some one else instead, some one who treats you the way you deserve to be treated, and how thankful I am that I have you back again as a best friend. I always love every minute that I get to spend with both of you and him as well. Although... I have to admit that I am slightly worried about her trying to get in touch with you again. She has no right to interfere with your life again. :@

Better and worse.

I was so excited when I found out that you have freedom again, well some sort of freedom anyway. I'm so glad that you're able to stay in contact with the people you trust... :) Although now that something is going right... something else has to get worse. It was so awkward being at your house today with them two and you were with her and you didn't even want to be near us because those two dislike her and the way you are with her... You acted as if we were barely friends... euskhfosdifsdhfgsdhglidfu and cancelled our plans to celebrate with her. I thought I mattered to you... enough so that you wouldn't cancel our plans completely just for her. :(

Enrolling for Uni = sdirfgtdfuihosdf

Ugh. The uni enrolment stuff is screwing with my head. sfidshifugsdgiukhs. I'm definitely looking forward to starting a new chapter of my life though. But still... :/ I just feel too tired and worried to even concentrate on trying to make sense out of a jumble of information. 

On a slightly happier note, he's not as submissive as everyone seems to think he is and is actually better at standing up for himself than a lot of people gave him credit for as well. I'm really glad that he said he's trying to make the effort to hang out with others and get to know people better. :) :) 

Oh and an update on the person I was worried about... She lost her phone which is the only reason she didn't reply to any of my texts, thank goodness. But she did say that she had a lot to tell me, which is definitely worrisome. D: